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original Article in Spanish. 

In a culture where the community is not automatic and there are limited role models, parents should be intentional in finding and finding spiritual leaders and mentors for their children. Every daughter and every son needs adults in their lives to tell them the things that a father would say, and that is why one of the smartest decisions that parents can make is to participate in a church where they can find the right type of adult influences for their children.

Some recent research highlights that teenagers who have at least one church adult who makes a significant investment of time in their lives ... are more likely to continue attending church! In these investigations, the majority of adolescents who remained in the church (by a margin of 46% against 28%) said that five or more adults in the church had invested time in them personally and spiritually. Due to our ministerial tasks, the two authors of this book have observed many more adolescents than usual, and we have seen with sadness too many of them who, from the moment they arrive at high school, begin to leave their home. They are not necessarily doing anything dangerous. And it's the way things work, some could point out. Undoubtedly they are becoming more independent, and they are beginning to redefine themselves through the eyes of other people who are not their immediate family. But this should not mean an emotional divorce from their parents, and this is where the urgency of those other positive influences they need lies.

As our children grow up, it becomes more important for them to have other voices that tell them the same things, but differently. Teenage sons and daughters need to have other voices that speak to their world, and parents who do not understand this principle, have forgotten what it is to be a teenager.

I can confirm that this has happened to me from one side and the other of the scene (Lucas speaks). I couldn't count the times that, being a young shepherd, some mom told me that her children listened to the same advice from me that she and her husband gave them, as if they were a novelty. And, at the same time, today I can relate to this truth from the other side, because many times my children mention something that a teacher, a teenager leader, or a coach told them, and they react as if it were the first time they hear it, even if I had already told them 100 times!

The temptation that arises immediately is to tell them: "I have been telling you the same thing for sixteen years!" But highlighting where they got it from is not the important thing. Now they heard it differently, because they were going through a different stage, and they simply needed a different voice to understand it. Don't reproach them for anything, and concentrate on thanking God because they understood it!

Expanding the circle helps your child transition from a personal approach (me) to a collective approach (we). When you expand the circle, you not only recognize the need for other people to influence your child, but also for your child to become part of something much larger than just your family. A wider circle gives him not only a place of belonging, but also an important role, helping him get involved in a larger story, as we mentioned in the previous chapter.

Seth Godin makes the following observation: "Human beings cannot avoid it; we need to belong. One of our most powerful survival mechanisms is to be part of a tribe, contribute to (and receive from) a group of people with whom we have things in common."4

Don't miss this point. The right community is important not only for what it offers your children, but also for what it requires of your children. Children need more than a family that gives them unconditional love and acceptance. They need a tribe that gives them a sense of belonging and importance. The concept of church in the New Testament never meant only a place for your children to attend. The definition of church should be that of a vibrant community that involves your children to demonstrate God's love for a broken world. When parents and leaders are in sync about this aspect of offering a wider circle, there is the potential to mobilize the faith of children and adolescents from something static to something dynamic.

This article was taken from the book "The parents your children need" by Lucas Leys and Reggie Joiner